Good day

 Today wasn't too bad of a day! I slept in a little bit since I was up to midnight painting again. Then I went to Griffin to get my hair done. I FINALLY did the sunflower ombre. :) Only it came out a bit brighter, but I love it. :) And it didn't take ALL day so I made it home in time to ride. We still had some painting to do and I wanted to go out for dinner (to get some use out of my curled hair!) so I rode at home rather than going to Ashland. I moved more of the jumps out of the way to make a bigger arena in the area that isn't super deep. But it's still not quite big enough. I realized this as we rode some of the test movements to see if I should enter the Ashland show. (Sigh...  so yeah. I'm a little depressed. I'm grateful for all the wonderful things in my life and I'm mostly really really enjoying the fun Dan and I are having and I'm mostly okay with being patient in giving him time to heal. And I'm mostly okay with having to bring him back slow, knowing that at any point, he may not hold up. I'm trying.... I'm being optimisitic and hopeful and again, I really am enjoying my time with him. BUT.... I'm also bummed. It's hard seeing all my friends out showing, XC schooling, jumping, taking lessons and progressing. It's hard. I want to do it. I want to play and train and jump and show. I want to hang out with friends and cheer them on and have them cheer me on. And it's hard because I don't know that we'll get to. I don't know that we will make a come back. I don't know that we will get to get our bronze medal. I don't know that we will ever get to jump again, other than occasionally bopping over logs. And it's starting to take it's toll on my psyche. So I was going to enter the show. Just to do one test... I figured a first level test would be fine. I would go to just go and do and hang with friends. But.... as we rode the test movements... I got depressed. He's not ready. I'm not ready. We're a hot mess. And it made me sad. But mostly I didn't realize/process all of this until today.... and we rode yesterday, so.. I wasn't too upset with our ride yesterday!).

 

The beginning of our ride was good. We did our homework. I feel like he's getting straighter and I'm getting straighter and better at correcting the crookedness and the faults in me. At least I think. Who knows? Maybe I'm just getting sucked back into the old habits and think we're getting better. But he was trying hard and got lots of praise. So then we tried a few test movements. And... they're there. Kind of. The lengthen is fairly non-existent and almost felt like he was maybe lame again or maybe just weak. Our leg yield to the right is awful. He's just bulging out that shoulder. Our canter is pretty terrible. He's not on the bit, not round, and almost running onto the forehand. I can't seem to sit up and get him collected without shutting him down. We did manage the serpentine to X both ways and managed to get both leads. But yeah. So now I'm depressed because I realized that while I want to go show and have fun.... at this point, it won't be fun. And then I'm sad and disappointed in myself for not wanting to even go and volunteer because.... It's just depressing. So... we got a few good canter steps and then he got praised and then we went for a super quick hack to the lake and back. 

So overall, a really good day. And I was feeling really good about life until I tried to ride the darn test. Sigh... why did I do this to myself? Oh well. Overall, life is pretty amazing and I have pretty amazing horses.