Wednesday, March 21, 2018


Ugh... I just want to cry. I did cry. A lot. And I know it's stupid and I just need to get over it and keep chugging along, but... I'm just so freakin' tired of the frustration. I'm tired of trying and trying and not getting to do... not getting to progress... not getting to show. And I know... that's horses. And in the grand scheme of life... it's a horse. But for crying out loud... I'm just tired of being unhappy and frustrated. I just want to be back in hollyland... I am just done. I feel like we put in our time... I did the rehab. He was all healed, but... now we're still not right. And either it's because he's still broken or because I can't ride properly. I just want to have my happy sound pony back.

And then... to add to my crappy week.... Yesterday after my lesson I worked on a few horses and one of them leaned and yanked and I felt it in my shoulder/neck. I knew it was bad but didn't realize how bad until about when I finished the horse and picked up my stool. OUCH. I managed to be able to do the two dogs I had to do that day, but was is so much pain by the end of the day that I literally collapsed on the barn aisle in tears. It felt like someone was stabbing a sharp hot rod into my shoulder/base of my neck on the left side. Turns out.. I am pretty sure I subluxated my first rib, which was compressing the brachial plexus ganglion nerves between my clavicle and my rib. So it felt like a spasming charlie horse but worse. I've never had that kind of pain before.... I managed to blanket and turn the ponies out and came into the house. Mike had gotten me some tens units (as he had already lasered me before I did the two dogs) and some heating pads. With the tens unit on the pain was bearable but as soon as it stopped I was in pain again. I did 1.5 hours of the tens unit and then went to bed. I woke up at 3 and 5 am and had to do the tens unit again. Luckily I was able to get to my chiropractor in the morning and he fixed me. It hurt like a mother when he put it back into place and I thought I might vomit, but.. it worked. But at the moment, I wasn't sure it was going to work as it was still pretty sore. I ended up postponing UGA for the day and went home and took a 2.5 hour nap while icing my back. I woke up and felt soooo much better. It's been achy all day, like I got tased repeatedly there, but the searing pain is gone. This I can handle! But unfortunately, it's a bitter cold windy day. A high of like...45 with impressive winds. And tomorrow, my real day off, is supposed to be no wind, sunny, and warmer. I was looking forward to riding Dan and riding Fleck (finally.. it's been too long) and doing some yard work. But nope... now I have to take today as my day off and work tomorrow at UGA. Ugh... 

I did finally decide to go ride though. I figured I could do an easy hack and not risk injuring my neck/shoulder more. I almost didn't as it was cold and windy, but... then Mike was irritated with me and I just.... am so frustrated and annoyed, so.. I did. 

And.. it wasn't a bad ride, but it wasn't great either. I'm tired of "meh" rides. I want a good ride. I want to feel like we're ready to go show. We hacked and did some hills. Dan spooked at a small downed tree branch at the beginning of the ride but was great otherwise. Until we were trotting along Possom Trot and almost ran into some deer. Dan stopped short and I plowed into his neck, but luckily didn't come off. Then we did some cantering in the fields too and jumped one little log. Then we went to the jump arena so I could feel him out, and yep.. he still feels like he's head bobbing to me. We did a little bit of leg yielding and I worked on not arm wrestling his face and it was a little better, but still not what I want. Then the jumps were super low, so we popped over a handful. He was good but we weren't really focusing on anything so I'm sure we just plopped over them. 

It was a pretty day though, minus the wind and cold. 

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