All the feelings

 Today was a day! I slept in but woke up with a brewing migraine because I had been clenching my jaw all night. It always gets a little better once I'm up and stop clenching, but I did take some ibuprofen and later a maxalt. I got the ponies fed and had some breakfast. Then I went out and worked Lyric and Funny in the arena. And then I grabbed Dan and headed to Ashland to ride with Kelli. For whatever reason I was sad and emotional again today. Kelli sent me a funny meme and somehow I basically told her that Dan hates me and I was so sad. And then ended up in tears again. Sigh. She told me that he does NOT hate me and he loves me and that he is just that way with everyone. But she was much more eloquent. And I know it's true, but.. it really just makes me sad and hurts my feelings some days when he's just so angry with me. 

Anyways... we headed to Ashland and when we got there I taped his stifles and then taped Marvins' back. We talked about Marvin's EPM and looked him over some and did the tail pull. And hopefully I helped Kelli feel a little better because I honestly think that Marvin looks better than the first time he had his EPM bout. So hopefully I helped her. Then she talked to me about Dan. She (again, much more eloquently) said that she thinks most of it is "nature"... it's just him. He's just a loud dude. But, she also mentioned that perhaps some of it is taught. Like... I always say he's a D-Rex, and Rawr means I love you. And joke about him being naughty and sassy. And maybe, I'm inadvertently rewarding some of that behavior. And, also... maybe he's mirroring me some. She pointed out that I'm not exactly the vulnerable type. I don't really allow myself to be seen as fragile or needy... I don't really like hugs.. I don't like admitting things that make me feel vulnerable. And, therefore, he maybe doesn't either. Ugh.....  there's a lot of truth to that. She suggested that perhaps I start rewarding the good behaviors.... and ignoring the bad. Not retreating or backing off, but just ignoring. Kind of like an alpha mare would do. Unless it's dangerous, just ignore it and be a silent solid type. Which, is fine and good until he snarls or clicks his teeth at me when I'm already wound tight and I can't help it and smack him. But, I can work on that. And I have already been trying to reward (with treats if that's what it takes) good behavior. But also, maybe I do need to give us both time to be vulnerable together. Maybe I do need to spend time with him.. just... being. And maybe I need to be willing to try things, even if they don't work. Because it doesn't mean I've failed.. it just means it didn't work at this moment or for this horse or for this point in time. So... yeah. I'm going to have to ruminate on that a bit. But it's definitely worth contemplating and delving deeper into. She's such a good friend! 

So then we tacked up and went into the arena and did our groundwork. Dan had some pretty good pillars, although even with the timothy pellets he gets a little greedy. Lucy may wonder why there's random timothy pellets all over her arena. ha ha. But he was pretty good. I do love the neck rope! And we even got some good pillar 3's once he paid attention to what I was asking and focused. 

 

Then I got on and rode. We had some good work and some nice trots. He felt much more like he was trotting like a real horse and not just a western pleasure jog. And then he got focused on something in the woods and had a few moments where he was intently staring in the distance.. his heart a pounding... I eventually got him to go back to work, but he was more fired up! So it was definitely NOT a western jog at that point. But props to him, because he did settle quickly. I also tried cantering again today. Because...my heart needed it. And it was better. Our left lead was still quite lovely feeling and soft and round and uphill and balanced. His right lead was better. He still feels like he's stuck in the right hind. And the first right lead canter felt a little better than the last time we did, but the second and third (all short) felt better and better. Kelli said the last one, the one she saw, was MUCH improved than the last time. So yay! We did a tiny bit of trot leg yields after that to make sure he was still sound and soft and quit with that. 

After Kelli did a tiny bit more work, we headed to the water complex for a quick drink and then headed back in. My farrier was coming at 4:15 but called to say she could be there at 3:15, so we had to cut our hack short. But we made it home in time. I'm sad we couldn't get our hack in, but at least we had a good ride and a good talk.