Ugh.. today was emotional. It was a gorgeous day and I tried really hard to enjoy the moment with Dan and enjoy our walk. But..I couldn't help but worry. I felt sick to my stomach and like I was going to vomit most of the day worrying about our vet visit and what I would hear. I know that there is nothing I can do to change it, other than pray.... and it is what it is, but.. man, it's just so heartbreaking. And then I felt awful thinking that maybe this all started with the damn haynet injury and if I could just turn back time and stop myself and say "Yes.. he WILL get stuck, don't be lazy and pull the hay bag out"...maybe we'd be getting our bronze medal about now, and have qualified for the AEC's at training level even.... And maybe my poor baby boy won't have a life full of discomfort and pain because of me. Sigh.. but maybe it's not related to the hay net. He could have easily done something in the pasture, because... Dan! 
So I spent the whole trail ride bawling and praying and not even really knowing what to pray for. I mean... I could pray for a miraculous cure, but why do I deserve that? I could pray for him to still be able to jump, but that's unrealistic. I could pray that we could at least get our bronze but I really really want to jump him. I miss that so much. So instead.. I basically prayed for His will and for Him to give me the strength to handle whatever his Will is... for Him to give me the wisdom to make the right choices regarding the situation and for... Him to forgive me for being so selfish when so much is wrong in this world. And I cried for my pony... I cried for me.. I cried for others.
And then, Dan made me giggle. He stopped to sniff the ground (one of the 50,000 times it seemed) and picked up a branch with a bunch of dried leaves on it. He was crunching away at them and sounded like he was eating potato chips. I had to laugh. We had a good ride... lots of sniffing of the trails, lots of snacking, and he was a good boy.
So tomorrow... we shall see....
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