Whirlwind

 So... we've got an appt with Rood and Riddle... for next week. We'll go up Thursday and do a neuro exam (and hopefully a quick lameness exam) and then repeat rads. If nothing dicates otherwise, he'll have a CT on Friday the 13th! EEEKSSS. But maybe this will be good luck for Dan. I mean.... heathen. ;) So... I was feeling at peace about it and now I'm panicking again. There's just so much. He still can't canter on the right lead in the hind end.... is that because of spinal cord impingment? Because of some other lameness issue we've missed because we're focusing on the neck? Does he just need more time and rehab from his back injections? Then he's got the cough still... is it just allergies? Is it going to make him higher risk for anesthesia? Does he have pnuemonia or is a lung adhered to his ribcage?! What if it's ECVM? Sigh... And then... I'm panicking about how to pay for surgery... how to handle him for another month of stall rest.. how to handle him having to stay away for the first month of stall rest with no hand walking and no me. How will I handle it? I've basically not been apart from him for more than a week in 11 years! And do I have it in me to ride this roller coaster again? But what if I don't? What if I can't? That's not fair... and if not, what do we do? Will he fall apart quickly? He's not even hit his prime. 

But... before I found out about our appointment timing... I grabbed him, fed him the last of his T-rex cookies and took him to the arena. We did our pillar work and he was a good boy. We did fast walks and slow walks. He's getting better at slow walks and they seem to be making him feel good. We did the pole. It took him two tries to get down the whole line but the third time he nailed it and even backed up a few steps and then forward again. We did some pillar 2 and 3. But he wouldn't smile pretty for the photos. ;) He wasn't actually that cranky for our work. He just wouldn't smile for the camera. 

So now... now I just pray. I'm praying desperately that I hear Him and His guidance and heed His advice. I just want to make the right choice for Dan. I want to do God's will... and I realize that it may not necessarily be what I want. And I pray that I can actually hear Him and that He gives me guidance.