Sob Fest

So.... I'm exhausted... emotionally and physically. We got an offer on our house.... by a friend. And I made the mistake of trying to fix up some tiles in the bathroom... which created a huge job... because there is rotting wood behind the tile. So now we have the inspection on Thursday... and our shower is gutted so they can fix it. And we still have to fix the siding....  All by Thursday at 1 pm. And in the meantime.... I don't think we can afford what I want next. We can't find any land that's affordable that isn't in south bumble. And we can't find any houses that work even if they don't have a barn... So yeah... I'm a little stressed. And then because of that, I've not slept well for the past few days. And then add in Dan.... and of course, now I've found 3 baby horses that are tempting. But... if Dan is broken... sigh. So yeah. I'm really emotional right now. 

So... Liz and I had plans to meet. I told her I could be ready to trail ride at 9:30/9:45. So I got on at 9 and went for a quick walk around the small lake and then headed to the arena. We did our walk warm up... turn on the forehand, turn on the haunches, rein back, stretchy walk, half pass, shoulder in, haunches in, and leg yields. And he was awesome. Super! So... then we trotted. And he feels bad. Like.. he almost feels lame tracking right even. Sigh. So... we quit. It was 9:30 and Liz still wasn't here, so... I went out on the trails anyways. I just couldn't stay in the arena. So we hit the trails and I just started bawling. My poor baby boy. He felt so bad. And he felt so broken. And you could tell he was trying. It just broke my heart. And then his stifle has felt so unstable lately. And he's resting that leg when he's urinating. And I'm sure that the air biting and crankyness is because he hurts. And it's hard not to take it personally. I feel guilty. He hurts and I'm over here pushing him and making him work. So.. yeah, I just lost it. I'm crying because he hurts... crying because I know that there's really no hope for us... I'm crying because I'm terrified that he's sore and is going to be crippled and have a poor quality of life. I'm crying because it's just effing not fair. 

So we went for a hack to the lake. He was sniffing the ground like crazy. He's such a bloodhound. I still hadn't heard from Liz. So then I went to the area where they did the dog training and Dan was sniffing the ground like crazy. Then we flushed out a deer and Dan almost bolted. But he didn't. So then we headed back to the lake and saw Liz. She had left her phone at home, so that was why she couldn't call me. She asked how I was and I broke down into tears. Again. Sigh... 

So then after we chatted about me and hacked a bit, I asked how she was and she broke down into tears. Both of us are struggling today. We're both bawling and I looked back and said "Well this is fun, we should do this again"! Ha ha. Sigh... 

So then I had to head home to go to work. I think I will give Dan bute (or previcox) from now on and see how he does. But... I really don't think it's fair to keep "working" him. I guess I could trot and canter straight lines in the field.