You know.... Sometimes.. it's just too hard.
Sigh... I'm so tired of fighting and pushing forward and fighting an uphill battle. And today.. I gave up. I just... gave up.
We were supposed to haul to Full Gallop today so that we could show at the recognized show tomorrow and hopefully get our last qualifying score for the AECs. All we need is a clean XC run. It should be totally doable! But apparently it's not. I got all packed and Dan and I were about as ready as we ever were. I bathed him at home, because it's just easier. Then Kristin messaged me to see if I wanted a lesson and since Dan was a bit lame on Thursday... I thought it might not be a bad idea. Then I wouldn't have to ride at Full Gallop that day. So we went. I got on him and he was more lame than he was on Thursday. Sigh... So, to be honest, Peri pulsed him on Tuesday and I just sort of thought maybe he was sore from that. It didn't dawn on me to think it might be his shoes, as he was shod that morning. And because it felt so similar to his usual funkyness... I just.. didn't do anything about it. There was a brief thought in my head that I should call Freddie but... Friday was a 12 hour day.. and again, my life is so non-stop that I just.. didn't finish the thought or take any other steps about it. And this is what is pissing me off. I just can't seem to get off the hamster ball long enough to accomplish anything other than spinning my wheels. Sigh... so Kristin and I did a short lesson as he didn't seem unhappy or reluctant. But... the longer we went (which again, wasn't long) the more I could feel it. And he started leaning hard and drifting hard. But it was a good ride. I felt a little bad as I basically told her that I was having a freakout and just needed to focus on getting Dan forward and going and get me out of my rut. Once we were back in the groove, I wanted to come back to the issue of addressing the impulsion, but for now.. I just needed forward. Kristin was fine with it and even pointed out that as long as I kept my shoulders up, he didn't lengthen at the base of the fence. Say it again HOLLY for the people in the back... AS LONG AS MY SHOULDERS STAYED UP, DANNY DIDN'T LENGTHEN HIS STRIDE AT THE BASE!!!! :)
So.... as we were finished.. I was really starting to worry about whether I could fake my way through a dressage test or if I should just scratch. I texted Freddie to see if he was working today and anywhere I could come to him. And then I debated what to do. I decided to go.. and I would see how he was in the morning. So we started off and then I remembered that Kim was close by and perhaps she could pull a shoe. At this point, I was thinking it had to be a hot nail. Or, I suppose, a worsening of whatever lameness he's been having for the last 2 years. So... Kim agreed and I turned around and rushed back to her. At this point, my truck was verging on over heating again, but... I was anxious to get to Kim's before she had to leave. Bless her heart... she was so nice and looked at him. She didn't think it was his shoes though and palpated his stifle. He was fussy for the right one and not the left, although that may have been just him being fussy in the beginning but she did say she felt some effusion. Then she asked if I had injected it and I said "Yes, but the injection only lasted about 2 weeks.. or it was the previcox he had for 2 weeks". So..she then said she was suspicious of a meniscul injury. She said that those typically respond only short term to steroids and she recommending cancelling the show and getting him scoped (arthroscope) to see what was going on. She made it sound like it was not a big deal and he would only have a 2 week recovery.... But of course, I panicked!!! So I thanked her profusely and loaded him up and headed home. Freddie texted back just as we were leaving and said he was at Serenity Creek. So I figured, why not? So... we went to Serenity Creek. Freddie watched him on the lunge and said he didn't look that bad. But he messed with him and said he didn't feel like it was a bad nail or anything. But he pulled his right hind anyways and a bunch of sand came out between the hoof and his pads. He tacked the shoe back on and we lunged him again and now Freddie thought he was lame in the left hind, so we pulled and retacked that shoe. Then Freddie said he looked good and he would go to the show. Sigh.... So.. now what??? So I decided I would go to Ashland and tack him up and see and then decide whether to go to FG or not.
So we went to Ashland and I hopped on quickly. And he felt WAY sounder... like back to his normal post hay net and for the last two years soundness. ARGH!!! I mean, yay, but... argh!!! He was tired, but.. fair enough. He's been hauled around all day. So at this point, we're both hot and tired and sweaty and thirsty and hungry.. and I have no idea what to do. If I go to FG it will be 9 pm before we get there.. and I have to hook up to the hook ups... I haven't walked XC. We have an 8 am dressage ride time and a 10 am jump time. So I'm stressing big time. I actually started to go to FG. But of course, because I'm fried, I went the long way to 20 (went the wrong way/missed a turn for the 4th time today). So.. we're going along... and my truck is maybe starting to overheat... and I'm stressing about whether or not my truck will make it, he will be sound, if he's sound for tomorrow what if Kim is still right and the subtle lameness is due to a meniscal injury and despite the fact that it's been 2 years with no changes, maybe this is the weekend that I break him for good.... etc, etc, etc. So... I just prayed.. I asked God to have my truck get close to over heating before I got to the exit to go back home if he thought I should stay home. And the truck did. I didn't drive extra fast... even put the windows down and left the air off. But... once I turned for home, I started to feel a little bit less "angsty" about the whole situation. But... argh!!!
I got home and got Dan unloaded and fed and then went inside and just.. collapsed. I'm so tired of this nonsense. Why is it this hard??? I briefly thought about getting up at 4 am to go show, but... again... I still wasn't sure of what was going on and I was getting a headache, so.. I just went to bed and thought that if I woke up early enough to go.. maybe I would. Of course, I didn't.
Sigh... I'm so tired of fighting and pushing forward and fighting an uphill battle. And today.. I gave up. I just... gave up.
We were supposed to haul to Full Gallop today so that we could show at the recognized show tomorrow and hopefully get our last qualifying score for the AECs. All we need is a clean XC run. It should be totally doable! But apparently it's not. I got all packed and Dan and I were about as ready as we ever were. I bathed him at home, because it's just easier. Then Kristin messaged me to see if I wanted a lesson and since Dan was a bit lame on Thursday... I thought it might not be a bad idea. Then I wouldn't have to ride at Full Gallop that day. So we went. I got on him and he was more lame than he was on Thursday. Sigh... So, to be honest, Peri pulsed him on Tuesday and I just sort of thought maybe he was sore from that. It didn't dawn on me to think it might be his shoes, as he was shod that morning. And because it felt so similar to his usual funkyness... I just.. didn't do anything about it. There was a brief thought in my head that I should call Freddie but... Friday was a 12 hour day.. and again, my life is so non-stop that I just.. didn't finish the thought or take any other steps about it. And this is what is pissing me off. I just can't seem to get off the hamster ball long enough to accomplish anything other than spinning my wheels. Sigh... so Kristin and I did a short lesson as he didn't seem unhappy or reluctant. But... the longer we went (which again, wasn't long) the more I could feel it. And he started leaning hard and drifting hard. But it was a good ride. I felt a little bad as I basically told her that I was having a freakout and just needed to focus on getting Dan forward and going and get me out of my rut. Once we were back in the groove, I wanted to come back to the issue of addressing the impulsion, but for now.. I just needed forward. Kristin was fine with it and even pointed out that as long as I kept my shoulders up, he didn't lengthen at the base of the fence. Say it again HOLLY for the people in the back... AS LONG AS MY SHOULDERS STAYED UP, DANNY DIDN'T LENGTHEN HIS STRIDE AT THE BASE!!!! :)
So.... as we were finished.. I was really starting to worry about whether I could fake my way through a dressage test or if I should just scratch. I texted Freddie to see if he was working today and anywhere I could come to him. And then I debated what to do. I decided to go.. and I would see how he was in the morning. So we started off and then I remembered that Kim was close by and perhaps she could pull a shoe. At this point, I was thinking it had to be a hot nail. Or, I suppose, a worsening of whatever lameness he's been having for the last 2 years. So... Kim agreed and I turned around and rushed back to her. At this point, my truck was verging on over heating again, but... I was anxious to get to Kim's before she had to leave. Bless her heart... she was so nice and looked at him. She didn't think it was his shoes though and palpated his stifle. He was fussy for the right one and not the left, although that may have been just him being fussy in the beginning but she did say she felt some effusion. Then she asked if I had injected it and I said "Yes, but the injection only lasted about 2 weeks.. or it was the previcox he had for 2 weeks". So..she then said she was suspicious of a meniscul injury. She said that those typically respond only short term to steroids and she recommending cancelling the show and getting him scoped (arthroscope) to see what was going on. She made it sound like it was not a big deal and he would only have a 2 week recovery.... But of course, I panicked!!! So I thanked her profusely and loaded him up and headed home. Freddie texted back just as we were leaving and said he was at Serenity Creek. So I figured, why not? So... we went to Serenity Creek. Freddie watched him on the lunge and said he didn't look that bad. But he messed with him and said he didn't feel like it was a bad nail or anything. But he pulled his right hind anyways and a bunch of sand came out between the hoof and his pads. He tacked the shoe back on and we lunged him again and now Freddie thought he was lame in the left hind, so we pulled and retacked that shoe. Then Freddie said he looked good and he would go to the show. Sigh.... So.. now what??? So I decided I would go to Ashland and tack him up and see and then decide whether to go to FG or not.
So we went to Ashland and I hopped on quickly. And he felt WAY sounder... like back to his normal post hay net and for the last two years soundness. ARGH!!! I mean, yay, but... argh!!! He was tired, but.. fair enough. He's been hauled around all day. So at this point, we're both hot and tired and sweaty and thirsty and hungry.. and I have no idea what to do. If I go to FG it will be 9 pm before we get there.. and I have to hook up to the hook ups... I haven't walked XC. We have an 8 am dressage ride time and a 10 am jump time. So I'm stressing big time. I actually started to go to FG. But of course, because I'm fried, I went the long way to 20 (went the wrong way/missed a turn for the 4th time today). So.. we're going along... and my truck is maybe starting to overheat... and I'm stressing about whether or not my truck will make it, he will be sound, if he's sound for tomorrow what if Kim is still right and the subtle lameness is due to a meniscal injury and despite the fact that it's been 2 years with no changes, maybe this is the weekend that I break him for good.... etc, etc, etc. So... I just prayed.. I asked God to have my truck get close to over heating before I got to the exit to go back home if he thought I should stay home. And the truck did. I didn't drive extra fast... even put the windows down and left the air off. But... once I turned for home, I started to feel a little bit less "angsty" about the whole situation. But... argh!!!
I got home and got Dan unloaded and fed and then went inside and just.. collapsed. I'm so tired of this nonsense. Why is it this hard??? I briefly thought about getting up at 4 am to go show, but... again... I still wasn't sure of what was going on and I was getting a headache, so.. I just went to bed and thought that if I woke up early enough to go.. maybe I would. Of course, I didn't.
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