Vascillations up the wazoo!

So... I basically prayed that God would give me a clear sign (And not like... a feeling... like a dream where he basically shouted down... DO NOT SHOW.... or GO, SHOW FORTH! because clearly I don't listen and can't hear). I prayed that I would know and would feel peace about my decision. 

Friday I was gone from 7 am to 8 pm as I had continuing education all day and then went and worked on Liz's dog. I had talked myself through a few decisions and had talked to some friends, and had basically landed on.... IF he doesn't move the sticks at all, I would take him and try to show. And yes... I know... why risk it? It's just a schooling show... And some of my friends said that. And there were those voices in the back of my head the entire time. Including mine. But then.. you know me.. I kept arguing... But he wasn't lame. But he didn't move the sticks. But everything else looked good. But it might just be a hematoma. Argh...


So when I got home Friday, he didn't move the sticks. At all. And was maybe a smidge sore, maybe not. It wasn't blatant and wasn't consistent and seemed to resolve with manipulation. So... Saturday morning, he didn't move the sticks. So I loaded him up and picked up Peri and Sunny. We had to go to Jade's first and work on a horse for her, so we did that. Dan and Sunny sat in the trailer and talked smack. :) We got to Chatt about 2 hours before our ride times so we let the boys in their stalls for some water and a pee and got checked in. Then I groomed Dan. Luckily, despite not having a bath he wasn't filthy. Only his feet were, so I spot bathed his feet with green spot remover and a sponge with water. We tacked up and headed down. 

Once we hit the busy area.... past the barns and in the area with the office, the bathrooms, the concessions, the vendors, etc... Dan got electrified. He was popping up, dancing, jigging, fishtailing, and basically bouncing!! Peri was a bit ahead of us and I'm not sure if that was it but she either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me and kept walking calmly and politely ahead. I managed to get Dan to the arena and luckily it was just Peri and I in there. I tried to walk him but he was on edge and vibrating so I finally gave in and let him trot. After a few circles of trot he got oxygen to his brain and started cooperating. :) ha! So then I did a bit more walking and then started to warm up. He actually felt really good at first. He was a little bit heavy on the right rein but typically that's the case. We did a good bit of warm up... walking, trotting, leg yielding, lengthenings, canter, canter lengthenings... And then took a little break. I asked Kelli and Katherine and neither said they saw anything. However, the longer I rode, the heavier he got on the right rein. I felt the occasional rein lameness but nothing more. Katherine said she saw the rein lameness on occasion but didn't see anything in the hind end. Great! I'll show. So I warmed up a bit more... and then suddenly.. he got worse and worse. VERY heavy on the right rein and I almost started to feel an actual lameness. It was subtle, but I felt it. Kelli was way off on the hill and chatting so I saw that Diane had stopped warming up for a few minutes. I asked her to watch him go and she said that she saw a very subtle lameness. She said they wouldn't ring me out and she had to look for it, but she did see it. I asked which leg and she said Right. I asked front or back, and she said back. Sigh... So I scratched. I figured that the adrenaline had worn off and now he was sore, whereas in the beginning, it was just an adrenaline rush covering it up. 

So... I scratched. I walked around the hills and watched some riders go, let him graze a bit, and did some hill work and our walk work while we waited for Peri's second ride. Then we walked back to the barn. And of course... he still was NOT turning the sticks. Ugh... So frustrating. Maybe I should have ridden. Maybe it is just a hematoma and he was just a little sore. Which... maybe not the fairest of things, but... it wouldn't make him worse. But I am so afraid of having to start all over again.... 

I don't know. Now I don't know what to do... I really cannot fathom how I'm going to handle walking for 4 more weeks. I'm not sure I can do. I'm not sure Dan can do it. Not when I was expecting to get to start jumping tomorrow. Not when I've been (sort of) patient for 7 months... not when Gibbes is in April and I was so looking forward to it. 
. 
So yeah... I just want to go cry

Well......crud.

Ugh.... I'm so angry, sad, irritated, frustrated, annoyed, confused, and just.... bleh. Dan went today for his supposed last ultrasound and check up and was hopefully going to be cleared to go back to full work. He's been feeling great, other than that mysterious intermittent rein lameness that has been present his whole riding life. But even that was getting better. Dr. Gillis watched him trot and he was sassy! But she said he looked great and even and his muscles were coming along nicely. She palpated him and he flinched up high in his buttocks near his sacroliac joint on the right. She said she didn't get it on the left side but was able to repeatedly get it on the right. So... when we ultrasounded him, she looked at that area and found a small hematoma right where he was sore. She said it was in the superficial gluteal muscle. She said that it was impossible to tell if it was just a hematoma from trauma or if there was muscle tearing which causes the hematoma. And that unfortunately it would take about 3-4 weeks to be able to tell. Sigh... Really!?!?!?! And she recommended I go back to walking for 30 minutes 5 times a week until then. She said if it was just a hematoma, he'd be fine soon and would heal. But if it's a tear... then we could easily make it worse by doing more than walking. And of course, the rest of his butt looked great. His old injuries are healed beautifully and only one site had a small amount of scarring but it was so minimal it shouldn't cause any problems. 

So yeah.. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to give up. I want to just say screw it and suck it up and keep riding. I ... JUST.... WANT.... TO.... JUMP.... and carry on! I'm tired of rehabbing. I'm tired of babying. I'm tired of restrictions. I'm tired of not showing or doing fun clinics. I'm just... tired. 

And of course we had signed up and paid to show at Chatt this weekend. 1st-1 and 1st-2 only, but still. I was so looking forward to it. And Peri was coming, and Kelli was coming to watch. And a lot of my friends were there. Sigh.... 

I ended up taking him to Hitchcock woods and doing a walk because... I needed to. I wanted to just go home and cry as it was cold and I was tired and pouty. But I thought a ride would be good for us. Before I tacked him up I checked him myself. He was a bit reactive there but he was also reactive on the other side. So I thought I'd check him with the sticks. I figured if it was a tear, it would obviously show up on the sticks. If it was a hematoma, maybe the sticks wouldn't move. At first they moved, but it was a bit vague and not 100% definitive so I adjusted his sacrum and then they stopped moving. So we tacked up and went. And maybe he was still a bit sedated but he was so good. He didn't spook at any of the runners, even the one that ran up behind us. He got on alert but didn't spook at the tractor that was apparently bushhogging pine straw??? He was super. Until he saw the horse in a sheet in the pasture between the trees. Ha Ha... That made him spooky. But still, he was great. I did end up trotting him a little bit to feel him out. In my head, I couldn't figure out how he gave himself a hematoma.... obviously it was acute. But he was fine Tuesday. In fact, Tuesday was a really good day. And yesterday I worked all day so I wanted to see. And he was sound. Really sound. And happy to trot. He wasn't pulling or trying to run, but I also think he was still a smidge sedated. So then I started thinking.... MAYBE... maybe it really just is a hematoma and he'll be fine to show and keep riding. If it was a tear... wouldn't he be lame? Wouldn't the sticks move? It had to be an acute tear... and he was lame with his first injury and the sticks moved. Dr. Brown said any cellular membrane damage would make them move. So.. that didn't really answer my question. 

So.... I got home and checked him again and he still didn't move the sticks. I lasered him and turned him out and figured I'd decide for sure later. For now.. I'm just done and ready for bed. 

 We didn't actually get up to 21 mph... we only trotted. But I forgot to turn it off until I was in the car for a minute. 

Fun with Cindy

Today had the potential to be quite exciting. :) Danny was in last night because of the rain and when we got to High Point, it was us, Quigley, Leo (another bouncy animated horse), and .... oh, Dutch, who is pretty sane. But yep, between Quigley and Dan, there was enough energy in the air to make them a little up! But Dan was actually quite good. He mostly maintained the forward lesson from Sunday, although I totally let him slack in the free walk. Cindy called me out on it. March March March!!!!!! And... that's something I need to consider for our show this weekend. I need to be willing to sacrifice for forward! If he breaks to the trot, or breaks to the canter, it's probably worth it to get that forward momentum with him. :) Anyways.. it was a good lesson. 

Points to remember:

- forward!! march!! Stride with purpose!
- The trot lengthening aids: if he is tipping downhill and his forehand is lagging, alternate my leg squeezes but reach forward under his armpits. As his front leg goes forward, squeeze on that side. If his hind end isn't pushing, alternating squeezes as the hind leg is coming forward. 
- if I find my left hand creeping across his neck... it's because he's falling in on my inside leg. Instead of trying to pull him upright by hanging on the outside rein, kicking on the outside, and crossing his neck.... push him back to the outside by riding inside leg to outside rein. (Duh!)
-10 meter circles... Don't get so fixated on the turn that I overturn my body and forget about the outside rein with Dan. 

We also did a great exercise to help with the canter. Ahhhhhh!!! I did a 20 meter circle at the trot and spiraled in. But it was hard! I had to get bend but keep him straight and even and almost thought half pass in. Then I spiraled out and had to keep him going into the outside rein with the inside leg but not collapsing or flinging. THen when he was in the outside rein, ask for the canter. :) It worked beautifully when I was able to position him right!

So yep.. It was a great ride. We got a lovely canter. Our lengthenings weren't great, but.. .I at least have some plans. Afterwards it was nice too because both Mirian and Erin said Danny looked great. I shrugged and said he felt awfully flustered and fussy and frantic and Mirian said "well, if that's him flustered.... dang! He looked good!". :) So that made my day. :) 

I don't think we'll embarass ourselves on Saturday, and I can tell myself that I am really just wanting to go out and have fun and show again and it doesn't matter if we don't win. But... I also know myself. I am competitive. I do want to win, or at least come close. I think I will be a smidge disappointed if we don't do well. But I hope that I can at least accept that my weak parts won't score well and hope that I can appreciate what does get scored well. :) 

Impulsion for the Win!

Today was such a beautiful day! And I got to enjoy it at the lovely Silverthorn Farm. Dan and I hauled over for a lesson with Kelly. I am so grateful that I have three awesome instructors in my life. I adore them all. They are all very similar in what they teach, with slightly different ways of teaching, and they are all so supportive and encoursliaging. I love it!

Today Kelly asked how things were going and I told her that despite my best efforts, he still felt sluggish and behind my leg. It was better at times, but.... it was still a struggle. Then I also mentioned that our leg yields needed some help, especially to the left, and that our lengthenings were more "fastenings". So we started the lesson by getting him in front of my leg. We went back to the whip with Kelly in the middle being the bad guy. But Dan loves it. It's a game to him and he LOVES games! So.... I asked and then sat quietly while Kelly encouraged him and got the impulsion without me having to nag constantly. Then I could ask once, politely, with my leg and if I didn't get a response, Kelly would back me up. Dan is tough. It sometimes took a lot of encouragement from Kelly before Dan would react at all. Ugh.... Irish! So then, we asked him to walk and Kelly got after him for a few minutes. She then explained to me that he is trotting nicely, but then as soon as we get the downward, despite having a nice downward, he plops to a cruddy walk. That is no longer acceptable. So... she got after him to let him know that we expect more and there needs to be a marching walk! I need to think of him being an upper level dressage horse, not a trail horse or even a hunter. March! So... we got some nice work and he was actually really lifting his back and using himself and staying round and supple and I wasn't having to nag/kick every stride. It's hard for me too. Because I'm so used to kicking and kicking... #ineffectuality (Thanks Eventing Granny!). So we talked about how I need to draw three lines in the sand. The top line is what I expect... every ride... every time. It is the ideal! I want the impulsion, I want the forward, I want the supple, I want the lift. And he can do it. WITHOUT the nagging. So.... I ask... if I don't receive, I ask again with more repurcussions. When I get it, I reward! He's really a smart kid and he gets it. I just have to remember to keep up my end of the bargain. The second line is what is acceptable, but barely. If I ask for a trot, and he skips up into it without me doing more than just whispering on his sides and we maintain all that lovely connection and energy, that's the first line, the ideal line. If I ask for a trot with a whisper and he trots, but it's more of a sluggish trot... is that good enough? Not really, that's below the acceptable line. So I deal with it and get a response that is above the acceptable line. And that's the middle line. The reality line. ;) I may whisper and get a nice trot, but it may fizzle slightly after a stride or two, or maybe it's nice, but not lovely. So then I add some leg and encouragement and ask for more brilliance. And we work on slowly getting the reality line up to the ideal line more and more frequently. And the lines will blur at shows. At home... I really fight for the ideal line. At shows, I'm a little more allowing of the reality line.

So then we worked on the "tricks". I got Dan on a 10 meter circle and got him tracking nicely and energetically and ... he felt great!! His back came up and he felt taller!! So then we spun off a bit and did some leg yield. And lo and behold, it was so much better! Ha! Shocker that the impulsion would help him reach under with that right hind and use himself better. ;) Our second attempt was a bit less lovely but as he and I lost it, I was able to correct it quicker. So not bad. :)

Then we went to the lengthenings. :) We did one for Kelly to see and she said that his back end was actually good, but his front end wasn't keeping up with the hind end. Which I took to mean that he was energetic in the hind, but kind of weak in the front. I think I was allowing with my reins too much and letting him drop onto his forehand in an attempt to lengthen his frame. We talked and... quite frankly, he's kind of long and huntery already... So I almost need to think of riding a medium trot with him rather than a lengthened trot. He needs to lift his shoulders and almost fling those legs out...rather than drop onto his shoulders and pull himself along. Kelly told me that it was going to get super ugly for a few minutes but to have faith. ;) She wanted me to do 5 diagonal lines and lengthen. If he didn't really strut... I was to use my stick and encourage him to really go. It didn't matter what he did as long as he went forward! So... we did. And she was right, the first one was ugly. He barely changed and then I used the stick and he broke into the canter but it was forward! The second one was the same but with a bit more sass. The third one got really ugly as he really didn't want to try and then kicked out and bucked. BUT... the fourth one he tried and he probably would have been nice had I not given the reins too much and allowed him to break. The last one... we got a really nice lengthen!! It wasn't consistent and it wasn't beautiful the entire way, but.. there was some really nice steps! Oh, and the trick for me was to push when I sit and half halt at the rise of the post. But yes, back to the last lengthen! He really felt like he sat and flung his shoulders out and strutted! I told Kelly and said I'm sure he wasn't really doing it like the fancy dressage horses, but it felt great. She said, he actually was strutting. :) Yahoo!!! So we quit with that.

And then Dan and I went on a quick hack around the farm. It was so pretty out. We did a few canters and some trotting. And he was still quick off my leg for the most part. :) yay! Then when we were heading back as we went through the gate, a little piece of tape in the breeze caught his eye and spooked him. He almost spun and bolted but I caught him and made him do through the gate. He tucked his butt and bolted through the gate. Hee hee. I'm glad he's feeling fresh! :) Then when I made him look at it he was embarassed at how the little piece of tape scared him. ;)

After I untacked him and told him how great he was... he was kind of snuggly even! Awww.... I love him!! I really think he likes Kelly too. It's a game for him and he loves games!

Well I feel better now

Crazy crazy work week.... 12 hour Monday, 12 hour Tuesday, 14 hour Wednesday, 3 hour Thursday (my day off mind you) and a 11 hour Friday....

Rode today. Danny was tired but we warmed up quickly....

I figured out the leg yield to the bad way!!!!! (leg yield left). I can't throw my right leg back.... even if his hips aren't moving over enough, throwing my leg back makes it worse. If I keep my right leg at the girth (AT THE GIRTH!!! WHere have I heard that before?!?! Oh yeah, only EVERY RIDE EVERY TRAINER!), he bends and the hips come anyways. Plus he doesn't get stuck on the left rein and hollow out. But I also have to make sure i'm not blocking with my left leg.

Ran through 1-1 and 1-2 and... they weren't bad. Not at all. Not perfect, but not bad. :)

Yay...
 
Then went for a hack. We ran into Missy, Marty, and Indi :) :) The boys love each other. They were playing bitey face and just having fun. :) Poor Dan. I sort of wish he could have a buddy. I mean, one that would play with him, not just Fleck.

Beating the Rain

Soggy dressage


Rode in the jump arena and then ran through the 1st-1 test. Eeeks.... Definitely need more practice, but good warming up

#legallycantering

then hacked more

Tuesdays with Cindy

Great lesson


Stay behind his withers

If I'm crossing my hand over his neck, there's a reason, but my answer is wrong

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