I was soooooo looking forward to today. Two weeks ago Dan and I ran training at Jumping Branch... and he rocked it. It was amazing! He felt so good. And I knew that I had to keep up the momentum so I didn't lose our bravery. So we jumped big the next weekend... and this weekend... we were going to go to Pine Top to school. I had "walked" the course and really was kind of exciting about trying training level there. There was a few fences that I was thinking I may or may not try depending on how the day was going, but I honestly thought that most of them were doable. NOT the trakenher... and not the big wedge brush fence. Of course without the brush, it didn't look so bad. But yeah.... it rapidly went downhill.
We started off with great weather and it was going to be just Liz and me. And then we invited another friend... and it kind of got complicated. Basically there were some miscommuncations and there was a little bit of tension but it was fine. So maybe that contributed a little bit to my mental status... maybe not. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Dan wasn't on previcox. I have no idea. But we started out and it seemed fine. I jumped a few warm up fences. We did the first two novice fences and then the first two training fences. And then the others arrived... and it threw me off. Maybe... a little. We were planning on doing the first two training fences.. then the third novice fence, which was a wierd ramped log table pile thing.. and then circle to the 3rd training fence, which was the same weird ramped log table pile thing... and then if that went well, continue on to training 4a. Then circle to training 4b, and then try to put 4a and 4 b together. So.. we started... then pulled up because the others were jumping... then started again... then I ended up going to fence 3... and Dan bolted a few strides.. which was totally fine. He was looking at the other horses, and again, maybe not their fault... but at this point, I'm still a little angry/sad/frustrated and it's nice to blame something... so I got him back and he felt forward and good so we went for novice 3 and... I totally jumped up his neck a stride early. Bless his heart.. he saved my bacon. He tried to jump... and got mostly over it, but slid his back half down the side on the right. He really saved me. It would have hurt. So... I was embarassed because... you know, multiple other people were there. And I was irritated with myself... I thought we were over this. Sigh... So, we took a moment... and then I cantered over the BN version. He still peeked at it and didn't quite jump it bravely. Then we decided to wait until the group was done schooling this field and told them to move on without us because I needed to do this by myself (and Liz) today. So.. we tried again. We did the BN house a few times and he never really got bold to it, but I figured that it wasn't going to get any better so we moved on to the novice fence. And we got over it. It wasn't pretty but we did it. So.. okay... Then I tried the training one, because.. I am who I am. And it was fine. It wasn't great... and he popped it. Sigh. But he went. So we did it again and it got a smidge better. So then we tried 4 a and it was fine. We did it twice and it was getting back to normal in ways. Then we tried 4 b and.. he did it, but he did something wierd. It was like he dropped his head as he took off and then almost looked at the fence as he went over it. So we tried again and he stopped and deer jumped it. I landed on his head and literally had to monkey myself back into the saddle as I was about to fall off. Luckily he just stood there and didn't put his head down, didn't bolt, didn't spin. But what the heck?? Liz and I thought about it and we couldn't decide if it was loss of confidence or what. We definitely agreed that trying the AB combo was a bad idea. So then I took him over the baby tiny fence and then jumped the BN hanging log stack right there. And he didn't jump that well either. So then we thought... okay, maybe it's stuff that's above the ground... like an elevated ground line. And.. I cried a little. And yes.. I admit it. I was feeling entitled and upset that my fun day of schooling training stuff, after strugging all season/spring/summer long and finally getting our confidence back and feeling like we were back on track.... now it's turning into this terrible day. Sigh... So we moved onto the next field... and I took him over a simple BN hanging log. To be fair.. Liz thought it was substantial. I thought it was puny. He jumped that fine. Then we moved onto the novice one. It was literally just a hanging log. On a slight downhill. He stopped. We came again and he jumped it twice but it was awful. So then I cried again. What was going on?! Now, not only am I not jumping training stuff, I can barely get him over novice stuff. So we jumped the BN again, praising him and moved on. There was two small tiny beginner novice fences on a slight bendy 5 stride line, so we hopped over those. He grunted over the first one and did it, but... it was just... labored/awkward?? Liz said he looked like he worked too hard over them. So then I cried again. What was happening? He didn't have any marks other than a little gash in his fetlock... it was through the skin, but just barely. He was sound. But maybe he was sore from sliding over the fence. Maybe he was bothered by the fact that I had ended up on his head 3 times now and was tired of it. So we decided that maybe going to the water and letting him splash and play in the water and calling it a day was a good plan. He likes the water... make it fun. So we did that. And oddly enough, even the training line looked doable... certainly not at this moment, but... prior to that moment. Sigh. So we cantered through the water.. and he got a smidge spunky again. So... then I thought well... what do I do? I told Liz that I felt like the day had taken a HUGE amount of money out of the bank. And while I didn't want to keep taking more out, or making him do when he was sore... I just didn't feel like we had put enough money back in the bank to quit yet. Certainly not for me. I mean, at this point, I felt like the next time I jumped, I would be all in my head again. So.. we decided that I should pop him over the novice cabin before the water, canter through the water, and quit. Except that he stopped at the cabin. Granted, I just kind of went passive and didn't ride. So then the second time even though I rode fine, he quit. I spanked him and then the third time I RODE and he was fine and we cantered through the water. And I cried again. We decided to take a hack and just be done. Liz said he was cross cantering more than usual, so maybe he really was sore. So then we walked over towards the ditches and they had a log on the top of a mound, a down swoop, an up swoop and then down again and then over a tiny log stack. I ended up trotting him up and down the swoops and then we ended up trotting up to the log, cantering over and down and over the little tiny log stack. Lots of praise. Then we did it again and praised him. Then I still felt like I needed something else for me. So we looked at the BN rampy cabin thing... and I jumped that. Liz warned me that I had BETTER ride it like he'd already stopped twice so that I could accomplish the goal of putting more money in my mental bank... so I did. And he was fine and jumped it normally. So then we hacked around a bit more and went home.
I just... don't know. I'm still so sad about the missed opportunity. I mean.. the course was set.. it was a doable course... a good practice course.. with a great and helpful friend.. beautiful weather... sigh. And now... I have no idea. And I'm so sad that I screwed up my horses' confidence again. And super proud that he saved my bacon three times, but... so sad that he had to.
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