Grateful despite struggling

 Ugh.... this has been a really rough week. But Danimal knows how to make things better. 

We went for a hack today and met Kelli and Marvin. She used my saddle so I rode bareback. Which, is totally fine because I would have anyways as it's still a gabillion degrees outside and we're restricted to walking only for 6 weeks. Sigh. It was actually slightly cool enough that I was able to curry him without just currying sweat around. Although by the time I finished and got his bareback pad on, he was sweating. That discolored patch was soaking already. So odd. But anyways... we got on and headed for some shade.

 

It was actually fairly pleasant in the shade and the bugs really weren't too bad today. I think they're worse early in the morning and later in the day. We walked down through the cross country field, to the new "down under" trail and then up through the woods to the hay fields. They had just mowed and baled the round bales. I wonder if they have army worms too or it was just good timing with theh lack of rain? Then we headed along the edge of the creek to the waterfall. And then we opted to cross the creek since Kelli had gotten off to get rid of a pesky horse fly, so Marvin walked/jumped the creek in hand. Then we headed up the hoot and holla hill. I meant to do sideways so it wasn't quite as steep but miscalculated so... hoot and holla it was. Then we headed to the water complex. There were a ton of geese there but Dan casually moved them off a bit so Marvin could be brave and join us in the water. We just walked a few circles to do his therapy. No trotting. :( 

 

Then we headed to the lake and Dan had two good swims. Unfortunately Kelli missed them both on video, but he did legit swim a few feet. Then he went deep but didn't swim a third time. And we splashed. It was great. It felt good too. Then we headed back in. 

 

I felt better already. But then I got a migraine while grocery shopping and legit thought I was going to puke. I had to take a pill and lay down with an ice pack on my head. After it went away I went out to feed. Flecky's got a fat leg and knee on top of his fat jaw... and he's mega lame. I'm guessing another abscess but it's so dry that his foot is like concrete so... I have no idea how he's going to blow an abscess. It's not going to rain for a bit too. Poor dude. And Lyric is super sore on her bare foot despite me putting the scoot boot on. Sigh. And I was feeling bad about murdering all my bugs to kill the army worms. So while I was filling the little trough I noticed all the dragonflies are still flying around so I was taking a video and suddenly.... I'm was getting sprayed! Ha ha.. DANIEL!! He had grabbed the hose and was twirling it. Ahhh... thanks for the smile dude. And the cool down. :) After that we snuggled briefly and then I went to feed the dogs and he meandered over to the dog pen and checked on me. We hung out a tiny bit and then he went on his way. Man I love this horse. And I'm so grateful to God for putting him in my life. I know our story isn't where I wanted it to be... or think I want it to be... but I know he has taught me so much and I'm certain that later, I'll look back and thank God for the path I'm on. And when Dan does stuff today... I know he loves me and it makes me smile and brightens my day. I was thinking today about how much I love this ridiculous horse... and how much stress and anguish he causes me and how he seems to make such bad life choices, but I just... love him so much. And I think... perhaps... that's how God loves me. I'm a ridiculous creature to... hard to love.... not snuggly.... makes poor life choices... but by golly God is not giving up on me either, just like I'm not giving up on Dan. And probably... God seems me the way I see Dan. Dan is beautiful and hilarious and amazing and talented and .... just awesome. And I realize that I'm seeing him through my eyes... a mothers eyes... and not everyone appreciates him the way I do. Probably most are slightly horrified by him. ;) But... I adore him. And despite the fact that I don't think I'm worthy or deserving... of happiness, success, all the things, including Gods love and blessings... and I'm rude, snarky, easily frustrated, easy to anger, quick tempered, petty, impatient, etc, etc... yet God still loves my ridiculous self, with all my brokeness and imperfections. And even better, He doesn't see me like I see myself. He sees me like I see Dan. Through rose colored glasses. At least that's what I think I heard today. And.. that makes me smile. And as silly as it is... it's both confirming and gives me hope... one, that I won't give up on Dan... regardless of what that means... and that God won't give up on me. For which I'm incredibly grateful. Both me and Dan are disasters... only a mother (or Father) could love us. But we are loved. And today... both God and Dan showed me that I'm loved and that made me feel sooooooo much better.