Back on Top

 So... I feel a little stupid for getting so upset the other day and basically shutting down, but... I suppose it was valid. I was exhausted. Not just physically, but definitely physically, and also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I feel like I'm on this hamster wheel at top speed and I can't get off. I can't keep up. I can't do all the things I need to do much less the things I want to do. And therefore what I do do... I do half-assed, which makes me feel like a failure and guilty...  And basically... my point... I was tapped out. I had nothing left. And then you add in the super lame baby horse... add in the fact that I thought she was going septic in that joint and that because it was too much of a pain to swap my patients around (who all would have happily done it) and I was just too tired to try to think it through, I waited an extra day. So... I felt responsible for "rotting what little functional stifle she had left" while I worked. Then add in Dan's eyeball and feeling guilty for not making more of an effort to flush it the night before... thus basically... creating his ulcer.. And.. that took what tiny little bit left out of me. And now... now that I know they are okay and they will both survive... I'm okay again. I went back into the positive. I may only be at a 0.2, but at least I'm above 0. And now I feel a little silly for getting so upset. And feel a little guilty for not being able to let it go and give it to God. But... oh well. I'm sure I'll go back to that place again since I can't seem to get my "life account" up much higher. I'm working at it, but... struggling. But anyways...  today... life is good! That's my point. I slept. I woke up.. to Dan pawing at the gate, but.. at least it was close to 8 am. I got them all squared away and Dan's eye is looking almost normal! Just greasy and dilated. ;) And maybe still a little red although I honestly wonder if that's from me poking it trying to get meds in. ;) Ha!

Mike and I went to a car show this morning so I walked Funny when we got back and then took Dan to Ashland. That meant we didn't get to Ashland til about 4:30 or so, but that's okay. We had the place to ourselves and we just hacked about. I tried to keep him on contact and through but light in the connection. It's hard. But we got the hang of it I think. We did a tiny bit of trotting to practice. We tried to find all the hills. And then we finished in the arena and just ran through our novice test. He was quite nice. Then we went up to the jump arena for a super quick cool down. He didn't seem bothered by his eyeball and he had his fly mask on, so... we carried on. :)