Ughhhhhhhh

 Ughhhhh.... Today was another beautiful day! It was 44 when I woke up but rapidly warmed up to 80 degrees. And no humidity yet! Yay!

I got the horses fed and went for a quick run. Then I loaded Dan up and headed to my lesson. Rana was a little late so I decided to hop on. Because.. it's a beautiful day! We just did some walk work and focused on the slow specific walk... We did some turn on the forehands and turn on the haunches and some haunches in and shoulder in and some half pass. All at the walk. Then Rana got there. She got on and spent a good bit of time at the walk. She said he looked better in the base of his neck but was twisting more today so she had to work harder to keep him straight. Well, micromanage more to keep him straight. But she did think he felt better. Until she trotted. Then he was rein lame again. She worked at it and got him sound for a good bit, but it would occasionally pop back up. Sigh... I'm so exhausted with this. I feel like I'm doing literally everything I can.... and we just keep coming back to this. Rana thinks it's related to jumping... as he was lame both lessons after my jumping rides.. and not the lessons when I hadn't just jumped. She thinks that if I can take a month, build up his neck muscling to allow himself to use his neck properly, then he should be fine again. Which.... sure... I'm on board with that, except..... We've got pine top XC schooling scheduled in 20 days. And that's not something I can push back a week or two. And... I could give it up, but... I don't want to. Allow me a moment.... Right now... the dressage work is sucking.. it's frustrating... I feel like we're back to square one... we're not making progress... I'm terrified that we're not making progress because he can't do it... physically/biomechanically.... I'm afraid that doing this level of dressage makes him hurt. Yet jumping is fun... jumping is progressing.... jumping isn't making me cry. So... it's hard to say that I won't jump him at Pine top. Especially because it's pine top, and this is my only opportunity basically for the year. So I'm pouting.... Yes, I understand that God has blessed me with a sound horse for the time after his injuries and trust me, I'm super grateful. And I know that I should be glad we're even doing 3rd level dressage work because, again... he might not have been able to had God not intervened, but... it's hard not to get depressed when I keep hitting these walls. And again, I'm worried that we're hitting the walls because this is his limit. This is where he says no, I can't. Not that he won't, or he doesn't want to, but... he can't. And I don't want to push him if that's the case. But on the flip side.... in theory, this should help his neck feel better. This should keep him sounder longer. Sigh... so yeah. For now, I'm sad. I'll have a little pity party... and then I'm laying it at God's feet and giving it to God. It will be what it will be. I'll keep fighting the good fight and doing everything I can for Dan. I'll keep trying to ride correct biomechanically sound dressage rides. And if he continues to tell me he can't, then we'll go chase cows or stick to eventing with the lower level dressage. But maybe if I keep at it, we'll figure out the issue and improve his health and function and comfort. God willing!

I let him graze a bunch and then we stopped and got feed and then I tossed him out to roll and pee. Then I grabbed him back up and adjusted him and acupunctured him. He got the electroacupuncture today and then Freddie showed up. I mentioned the rein lame thing and asked if he thought the pad should go back on. He basically said that it usually helps, so... we put it back on. We'll see if it helps him or not. He did well without it for a bit, but... maybe he just really needs it. So.. fingers crossed. 

He sees Kathleen Sunday too, so... he's getting the works. Oh, and I've got a nutrition consult in with Elisabeth, so...  crossing all my T's and dotting all my I's.  (i's?)