Good day

 It's a little embarassing how much happier I am when I have a plan and some answers. Sigh. And I have to give thanks to God for showing me grace and mercy and humoring me. I was stressing hard core about life. Frustrated that Dan's not sound... and not only that, but all the things I had planned were now put on hold. And not just put on hold but getting cancelled. I had to cancel my Gerd lesson... now I may have to cancel the Lucinda clinic. I haven't been able to do lessons. Shakerags open hunt is not a wise choice. And then not having my plans that I could plan even plan out... like no reply from the beach people.. no reply from the vet... ARGH!! But I had kept seeing posts on faith... and hope... Don't lose Hope.. Keep the Faith. Praise him in the storm. I know... I'm trying God, I'm really trying. And honestly.. I think I got there. Yesterday... I was okay with it. I'm still stressing and I'm still unhappy but... it's in God's hands and even if His will is not my current will.. I know He knows best and it will all be okay. And really... how silly is it to be this upset about a horse anyways... when I have friends with terminal cancer, friends who can't ever ride again, friends who's mom is paralyzed with no answers why yet... etc, etc. And how silly to be this upset when I still have Dan.. I can still ride him... we can find other fun things to do. Heck, I was envisioning him in western tack with a long mane with braids. And I was able to really, honestly, praise God and worship Him. Because He deserves it. I don't deserve any of this and look at all He has still given me. So.. it was going to be okay. Maybe the reason no one has messaged me back is because I'm not supposed to see the vet before Feb 16th. Maybe the answer is "not yet". I don't know. But I know that I'm loved and it will be okay. 

 

(Dan's googley eye is judging me! hee hee. He cracks me up!)

And then this morning... I panicked again. I had typed up a text to Laura basically contemplating cancelling the Lucinda clinic but didn't hit send because Mike and I went out to lunch and I didn't want to interupt it. And then, as we sat down to eat, the vet texted me and said she could see us thursday. Oh yay!! Perfect timing... because then I could tweak his shoes on Friday if needed... he has time to recover and feel better before the beach... and then, maybe, just maybe, we can do the clinic. And again, its' embarassing how much that bolstered my mood. And I know... that doesn't mean that Dan will be good to go in a few days.. it doesn't mean that anything changes. I still could very well be cancelling the clinic... taking up competitive trail or... worse. But at least, I had more Hope again. And that's such a wonderful thing. And I apologized to God for not trusting Him more. 

 

So... after Mike and I had lunch we headed home and I spread the manure. And then I rode Funny, who was wonderful. And then, it was such a pretty day and sunshiney and warm, I opted to take Dan for a trail ride at Ashland. Laura had texted me so we met up for a ride. Dan likes Smarty. He had to go say hi and they were polite sniffing noses. And he let Smarty lead for most of the trail ride. Although a few times he used it as an excuse to bounce around and trot. Goober. We did a nice long walk and then I walked Laura back to the barn. Dan snacked while we talked a bit. And then she watched me trot him in the covered arena and said she thought he looked pretty good. Maybe a hair short right hind if she used her imagination. But honestly he felt pretty good to me. Although they do have lovely footing in there. So then we headed back and I decided to go up to the jump arena and trot him around a bit and see how he felt up there. And.. he still felt pretty sound. They had dropped almost all of the jumps to poels on the ground so Dan and I trotted over those. Then we cantered and cantered the grid a few times. Again, just poles on the ground. At one point he completely lost his hind end. I don't know if he hit a bad spot in the arena, or if it was due to whatever is bothering him, but... it was bad enough that we basically stopped. But then he trotted off just fine again. He did seem to fall out of the canter a few times on the left lead though, but he held it longer than before. So yeah.. I don't know. I guess I'll find out Thursday! 

 

I untacked him and he had butt foam! I don't know if it's because he was working hard or.. because he's gotten chunky. Ha! Poor dude. 

 

no patience

 rode at home

not as bad... but still not quite right. sluggish and dragging then running

crazy loons before the ride

Crazy weather, crazy hormones, crazy horse

 Oh boy.... hormones are awful! Add in not sleeping well for a few weeks now... I mean, I'm in bed for 7 hours, but I think I've been waking up at least 10 times. And then bad weather. And not riding. I was crabby and cranky and just... mad!!! I'm mad at the world... sad about everything... depressed... irritated... ugh... And there was soooo much rain so the pastures are disasters... my topsoil has washed away... there's no grass... mud everywhere... soupy soggy mess! 

 

So I ran errands this morning... stuff I needed to do desperately. And when I finished, it was hot out. Like... humid and muggy and hot. Ugh, so when I got home, I pulled the sheets off. The rain had stopped and it was supposed to stay in the mid to upper 60's even with the rain. They probably could have stayed in no fill sheets but all but Fleck had 100 grams on. Luckily they were mostly dry by this point, which was my tactic earlier. It's so humid the whole barn aisle is wet, so I figured hanging soaking wet sheets in the barn would not get them dry. I got everyone's pulled by Lyrics, who was walking away from me. I'm guessing she felt my irritation at the world...or maybe she thought I was going to go ride... I don't know. But she walked away from me and pissed me off more. I put the other blankets back and then went back out to try again and she started walking away again. Oooooohhhh mare, you're gonna sweat then!! But the others had migrated up there too. I gave it one more shot and started walking and as I did... Dan looked at me, turned around, stared at me with pricked ears and then started walking to me. Awwww buddy.... I love you too. I sooooo needed that! We snuggled for a little bit.. and then I went and got Lyric's blanket off. I snuggled with Dan again. Good boy! 

 

After I put the groceries away Mike and I went for lunch. He wanted chick-fil-a and I could use a peppermint shake. Of course he picked the alcovy road CFA, which... I would have too. It's much less crowded and easier to get in and out of. But... they didn't have peppermint shakes... "But the one on 278 still does". Sigh. Of course. Oh well. 

After lunch it was still pretty warm out and the sun was trying to come out. So screw it... Dan was at the gate so I walked up and caught him and threw the bareback pad on and we went for a hack around the neighborhood. He started out at a good pace but he almost felt lame at the walk. And he was definitely dragging his toes at times. We got to the lake and it was high and there was a big current going to the culvert! Ahhh that's why that is there! Dan wasn't scared at all and wanted to investigate. Good boy! But then he started to get a little wired after that. We turned left onto the circle and there was a little yorkie in the fence barking at us. Dan acted scared and tried to turn and head back. Dude!!! It's a yorkie... no bigger than a squirrel! Ha ha. We managed to get past it and then carried on. We ran into Brooke in her driveway and chatted briefly but Dan was being wiggly and fussy and started to get amped up, so I headed on. And then he was all amped up. He was trying to jig and canter home. Silly!!! It is WAY too slick to do that nonsense. He managed to hold it together and other than a few moments, he even settled and stopped being inverted. But then when we got back to the lake area something rustled in the woods and he spun and almost lost me! Luckily we were in the grass, and up on top of the hill so it wasn't quite so soft and squishy and we weren't on the concrete, so he didn't slide. But he spun quick enough that the momentum almost slung me past the point of saving. Thankfully, I saved it! And then he was fine the rest of the way home. Jeepers!! Having girlfriends has sort of ruined your trail riding at home skills sir!

 

But I do feel better. I adore him. Even if this is all we get to do... he's still fun doing that with. But, I'm still praying fervently that God works a miracle and lets us do other fun things too.

A message to my heart horse..

Thank you for listening,

Thank you for understanding,

Thank you for being my strength,

Thank you for keeping me together,

Thank you for giving me confidence,

Thank you for being my freedom,

Thank you for trusting me,

And thank you for being my friend.

 

 

 

Vet Visit and birthday present

 Well... I couldn't wait until Feb 16th so I called Dr. Barrow and they had an opening. So I hauled Dan and Lyric both over there. We had a little bit of a wait so they hung out happily in the trailer. Once they were in the barn though... chaos ensued. Like usual. :) Lyric was actually pretty good this time! Dan was not. We did Lyric first because I figured she'd be simpler. She was a bit fussy in the cross tie but then settled quite nicely and wasn't even screaming while we hung out and waited. Dan was in a stall next to the cross ties and spent the entire time with his neck raised as high as he could so he could stick his nose over the gate. Not helping your neck dude!!! And he was pawing the gate too. He screamed the whole time we took her out to jog her. When we came back in I noticed that there was a strip of plastic lining the stall wall that was half hanging down. Ooops!! I apologized but Emily was like "No, he's innocent.. that was already like that!". I replied with "Oh phew, but.. he's still not innocent"!. ha ha. 

 

So anyways, we got Lyric squared away (luckily just growing pains) and then it was Dan's turn. Since he's such a nerd to lunge, I showed her the video. She thought it was the left front so she pulled him out and put him in the cross ties. She palpated the lower limb and he was wiggly but not terrible. Then she started to manipulate the shoulder and he got MAD! Like... sort of slung her around mad. Oops! I apologized and told her he was kind of like that. So she went to the other side and he was fine. Okay... noted! So... she said she thought it was neck.. not shoulder. And yeah.. I agree. We KNOW that the lower cervicals are awful. So I asked if steroids would help quiet it down, better than alpha2 since ... it's just been November that we did the alpha 2's. She said she likes to alternate her injections that way... .steroids, then biologics, then steroids, etc. So, okay... we're on the same page. It's been a struggle. I"m okay with giving the steroids a shot. I mean.... we KNOW he's already screwed there anyways... But Dr. Barrow said she wasn't real comfortable injecting lower cervicals. Fair enough. That's... a really tough spot. I'm not touching it either! So.... I appreciate that and... now just need to decide what to do. 

 

So... we headed home... I turned them out... and.. was sad. It's my birthday. That's not great news. Not awful news, but not great news. The weather was sucky but... actually not raining. And the weather forecast showed rained for the next 4 or 5 days, so... screw it! I'm taking him for a ride. Yes, I know he's sore... Yes, he's still "lame", but... dangit, it's my birthday! Let's just go hack. 

 

So... we loaded up and headed to Ashland. I put his western headstall on and the bareback pad and we headed out. It was a hair chilly but not too bad. We weren't the only ones out there but we never ran into anyone on the trails. We just hacked around. He was motoring but was happy. I did try to trot a few times to see how he felt and he kept stopping, but I really think it was to get grass. Ha ha. Once I trotted him in the woods, he trotted happily. And actually felt pretty sound, but... it was straight lines. So then when we got to the sandy path next to the creek... I asked for a canter. I had my phone in my hand and was bareback... and he cantered off. And then he sort of took off. He wasn't bolting... and he wasn't galloping... but he was motoring!! Okay dude!! I'm bareback...and one handed... with your rubber snaffle bit! Hee hee. He felt a little squirrely but I couldn't tell if it was him swapping because of terrain or he was slip sliding a little bit or what. Oh but my soul needed that. His too I think! We had fun.

We walked the rest of the way back to the XC field and I let him snack a little more. I asked for another canter and he gave me a very polite short one... and then wanted to snack. Fair enough dude. We headed back in, said hi to Jacel (sad we were missing our lesson) and then headed home. 

 

Thanks for giving me a fun ride for my birthday dude. I love you too!